Torquemada's textbook

it seems that the Office for Standards in Education in Britain is making Michael Palin's book Himalaya required reading for British high school students in their geography.

i can't think of a better choice really. Palin has been travelling the world for the last twenty plus years and making films and writing about it. he's definitely a subject matter expert (and funny as hell to boot.)

and this may be a boring post, but i just couldn't bring myself to talk about the Britney Spears giving "doggie-style" birth pro-life statue.

while we're talking about Mates of State...

...i'll be giving away two tickets to their Cleveland show on April 9th on this Sunday's Cream of Broccoli Radio Hour. i'll even tell you how we're going to do it--between 11 and noon, i'll be playing the song "Punchlines" of their new record Bring It Back. the first caller gets the tickets. don't worry--if you're a Mates of State fan, you'll know the song when you hear it.

essential record of the day: Mates of State--Bring It Back (2006)

i don't know how Mates of State keeps doing it.

when i heard their debut record, My Solo Project, for the first time back in 2001, i was amazed by their originality and energy. i immediately became addicted to the record and it remains one of my favorites.

the problem with a band that is basically a electric piano-drum combo is that there is always a possibility that the music will grow stale. i mean how many times can you flog a one-trick pony before you end up with a dead horse?

of course to say that Mates of State are a one-trick pony is to tragically underestimate them. Kori Gardner and Jason Hammel are accomplished musicians with a real penchant for coming up with catchy pop hooks. it is this consistency that allows Mates of State to transcend the apparent limitations of their choices of instrument.

that brings us to their latest record, Bring It Back. one would expect that after three full length LPs and an EP, Mates of State wouldn't have anything new to say. but once again they surprise us. not only do they deliver a successful record, but they may have delivered the best Mates of State record to date.

usually at this point i tell you what tracks stand out, but it is impossible with this record. all of the tracks stand out. the ideas and themes are so varied and yet are unified by Kori and Jason's steadfast allegiance to the keyboard and drums that they have become known for. It's when a band can accomplish this seemingly paradoxical state of variance and unity that the best records are often made.

and so it is with Mates of State. they have managed to keep going despite their self-imposed limitations and consistently produce great records. it just goes to show that the artist isn't limited by their tools, just by themselves. and Mates of State want the world.

right now, this is definitely THE record of 2006. Grade: A+

i think there is a special place in hell for this ABC exec

the good people at thesmokinggun.com have posted an internal memo from an ABC executive to local affiliates asking for them to be on the lookout for hard luck stories for Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. in the memo, the casting director has a laundry list of afflictions a family might be suffering from that will make for really good television, including cancer, ALS (Lou Gerhig's disease) and Progeria (premature aging in a child, which the casting director describes as "the little old man disease") among others. she also excitedly is looking for a child suffering from CIPA (which is an insensitivity to pain) realizing that the potential pool is limited.

if you want to be sickened by the exploitation of these families for network profits, definitely check out the link above.

celebrity morgue report

i missed a death in my celebrity morgue report, but then some more famous people had to up and die, so i've got another one for you all:

• Richard Fleischer, 89, Hollywood director and son of Max Fleischer, who directed the original Popeye and Superman shorts in the 40s for Paramount.
• Caspar Weinberger, 88, Secretary of Defense under Ronald Reagan. had a chance to stop Iran-Contra and didn't.
• Dan Curtis, 78, the guy who created Dark Shadows. i never understood what the big deal was, but then again i'm not a goth freak.

movie of the day: A History of Violence (2005)

while i know that David Cronenberg didn't come up with the title of his latest film, A History of Violence, you have to wonder about the title. what exactly is implied by "a history of violence?" are we supposed to recall the old saying that those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it, or is it something else?

that was the question i posed myself when watching A History of Violence. since i was sitting down to watch a Cronenberg film, i knew that there was deeper meaning in that phrase. and since it was a Cronenberg film, i was prepared for a total mind-fuck along the way.

the premise of A History of Violence is pretty simple. Tom Stall is a family man in a small town who owns his own diner. one night, two homicidal maniacs try to rob the diner and rape one of the waitresses. in self-defense, Tom kills them and becomes a national celebrity. soon, shady figures appear in town and mistake Tom for someone named Joey. Tom claims that he has no clue who they are talking about, but these sinister figures are adamant about Tom's identity and there are bloody consequences.

let's get one thing out of the way here--Cronenberg is a master of suspense, and A History of Violence is no different than his other films. even though logic tells you that if a man has his eye taken out by a barbed wire attack, he will never forget the face of his attacker, i couldn't figure out if Tom Stall was really the sociopathic killer Joey Cusack, or if he was a victim of horrible mistaken identity. that is all Cronenberg's doing--he holds it all back until there is a essential moment where there is no turning back. and in that regard, this film is successful, as it had me on the edge of my seat for almost the whole film.

in addition, Cronenberg makes us stand on shaky moral ground. at first glance, it seems that Tom is justified in killing the two men who try to rob his diner. but if he is also Joey Cusack, then his actions begin to fall in a gray area--yes he did the right thing...but would someone without a history of violence been able to do the same?

however, this is as deep as the movie goes. there is an interesting sub-plot involving Tom's son, Jack, who is constantly picked on by a bully at school. Jack's initial attempts to deal with the bully are non-violent, but eventually he reaches a breaking point and puts the bully in the hospital with a severe beating. Cronenberg uses this as a setup for a devastating line Jack delivers to Tom later in the movie, but it could have been so much more. i found myself wondering how Jack would have reacted to the bully if he had known his father's history of violence. but alas, that is never explored.

none of Tom's family has their motivations for dealing with Tom's history of violence explored. it's the one great weakness of the film. but if all you are looking for is a suspenseful film, this is the movie for you. Four Stars (out of Five)

while we're talking about Rose Melberg...

she has a new record (the first in FIVE years) coming out next month on the Double Agent Records label (the good folks that brought us My Favorite among others.)

for more information, i strongly recommend you go check out doubleagentrecords.com and listen to the Cream of Broccoli Radio Hour in the coming weeks--DA has been good about getting us promos of their records, and this is a biggie.

we're big fans of Rose and the Softies around here. now if her partner in crime Jen Sbragia and the girls of the All Girl Summer Fun Band could get a new record out, 2006 could really shape up to be a great year for records...

celebrity morgue report

in addition to Buck Owens, here are some other recent celebrity deaths:

• Stanislaw Lem, writer of Solaris, at age 84.
  
• Paul Dana, IRL racer, of injuries sustained in a car crash during a practice run. He was 30.
• Nikki Sudden, of the band Swell Maps at age 49. ironically, Jowe Head (bassist of Swell Maps and drummer of Television Personalities) compiled a Swell Maps collection that will be released in May.
  

Buck Owens (1929-2006)

There's a giant doing cartwheels, a statue wearin' high heels.
Look at all the happy creatures dancing on the lawn.
A dinosaur Victrola
listening to Buck Owens.
Doo, doo, doo, Lookin' out my back door.

--"Lookin' Out My Back Door" by Creedence Clearwater Revival

Country singer and former Hee Haw host, Buck Owens died this past weekend at age 76. while he was no Johnny Cash or Jimmie Rodgers or the Carter Family, Owens was a country great, and played country music the way it was intended to be played, not the soulless pop-country crap that is being peddled today.

i must admit that i am only slightly familiar with Owens' work. but as you can see from the CCR lyrics above, he was highly influential. of course, i've heard Ringo Starr on Help! singing Owens' "Act Naturally," but those in the indie rock community might be familiar with Rose Melberg's version of "Loose Talk" which she credited to being inspired by "the Buck Owens" version in the liner notes of her record Portola.

losing Owens is just closing of another chapter in the book on the rich history of country music. having become a fan of older country music in recent years, it's sad to lose someone who embodied what the true soul of country music is all about.

EXTERMINATE!

i would have mentioned this last Friday, but i was off watching basketball and didn't have time. For those of you who don't know, the Sci-Fi channel has replaced Battlestar Galactica on their schedule with the new Doctor Who series that was broadcast on the BBC last year. while the ratings weren't as good as what Battlestar was getting, they're good enough, given that Battlestar won't be back until October.

things i like about the new series--better special effects while still remaining true to the spirit of the original show. while the first episode of the new series "Rose," features a new take on the Autons from the third Doctor serials "A Spearhead From Space" and "Terror of the Autons" (and i'd say these are the best Autons yet), the second story, "The End of the World" is probably one of the stronger Doctor Who stories i've seen (it's re-airing tonight at 8pm.) Also, the new writers have made it easy to come into the show without knowing the backstory (although I am hoping the fifth or seventh Doctors make an appearance sometime soon.)

anyway, i would give the Doctor a chance if you have some free time tonight. we've been fans of Doctor Who since 1985 around these parts, so it's great to see the new episodes on American television. it's been too damned long.

murder in the cathedral

okay, i guess i'm a little more overtly political today than most, but i couldn't skip over the continuing saga of Winkler murder in Tennessee. for those who don't know, a preacher named Matthew Winkler was found dead in his home, shot in the back and his wife and children missing. they were then found in Alabama, and the wife is being charged with murder.

everyone interviewed for the story has had nothing but glowing things to say about the minister and his wife:

Selmer residents said they were shocked at the preacher's death.

"I can't believe this would happen," Pam Killingsworth, a church member and assistant principal at Selmer Elementary, told The Associated Press.

"The kids are just precious, and she was precious," Killingsworth said. "He was the one of the best ministers we've ever had -- just super charisma."

Wilburn Ash, an elder at the Fourth Street Church, said Winkler was hired there in February 2005, according to the AP. He preached straight-by-the-Bible sermons, the AP reported, delighting congregants.

Church members described Mary Winkler as a quiet, unassuming woman, the AP reported. She was a substitute teacher at the elementary school.

"They were a nice family," former Selmer Mayor Jimmy Whittington, who worked with the preacher collecting donations for hurricane victims last year, told the AP. "They just blended in."

since the preacher did "straight-by-the-Bible" sermons, i'm going to assume that he was a fairly literalist, conservative minister.

anyone want to put down bets on when the allegations of spousal abuse rear their ugly heads? usually when all people have to say is nice things, there's a seamy underbelly waiting to be exposed.

a real big coon

i was going to post about this yesterday, but i had been looking for an audio clip of St. Louis radio personality Dave Lenihan calling Condaleeza Rice "a real big coon" on his radio show Wednesday. unfortunately i couldn't find it, but i was amused what excuse black Conservative talk show host Larry Elder gave for Lenihan saying it:

Elder told The Associated Press that he suspects Lenihan morphed the words "coup" and "boon" to come up with "coon." He said prominent blacks have made disparaging remarks about Rice and gotten away with it, and feels Lenihan's firing was unfounded.

i'd say it's probably more likely that Lenihan has a deep seeded prejudice against African-Americans and the whole time his subconscious was probably saying "don't say coon, don't say coon" which is precisely what he said.

i think Linehan probably didn't mean to say that about Rice--after all, she's not an uppity black and has fallen in line. she may look African-American, but her ideology is 100% white conservative male.

essential record of the day: Neutral Milk Hotel--In the Aeroplane Over the Sea (1998)

my wife bought a copy of On Avery Island, the debut record from Neutral Milk Hotel because Cool Chick 59, who does a show at WCSB here in Cleveland told her it was a good record.

she hated it.

oh, had only Cool Chick 59 told my wife to buy In the Aeroplane Over the Sea, the second (and final?) record from the slightly damaged genius, Jeff Mangum and his band of merry men. from the initial moments of the opening track "The King of Carrot Flowers, pt. 1" to the reprise of "Two Headed Boy pt. 2" Neutral Milk Hotel takes us on such a colorful and varied trip that somehow manages to keep some unifying theme underneath it all.

Every track on In the Aeroplane Over the Sea is brilliant. Mangum provides listeners with challenging and frankly disturbing images lyrically while setting it all to a poppy, rainbow-like sountrack. the final product is marvellously rendered and would explain why everyone has been anxiously awaiting the next Neutral Milk Hotel record. like Waiting for Godot, however, it never seems to come.

and is that necessarily a bad thing? Mangum has produced a masterpiece here and it will be almost impossible for him to trump it. i understand that people thirst to hear or see more of an artist that has impressed them, but sometimes an artist captures a moment and produces something so unforgettable that it becomes revered...and reviled.

that's the problem--people who are into music think they are doing people like my wife a favor when they don't recommend an artist's best work. i remember at a meet and greet with Henry Rollins back in the 90s after he had done his spoken word act at BGSU, i asked him what Coltrane record a novice like myself should check out. He told me to listen to Crescent, because everybody had heard A Love Supreme. but that was the problem--I hadn't. and now, years later, i will tell anyone who asks me to start with Coltrane that they need to start with A Love Supreme, because nothing he did was better.

so too with Neutral Milk Hotel. i think that if i could get my wife to forget On Avery Island, she would like In the Aeroplane Over the Sea. Grade: A+

Billy Joel musical only employs members of the IBTC

a dancer is suing the owners and producers of the Broadway waste of time show Movin' Out, which features the songs of Billy Joel and the choreography of Twyla Tharp, for emotional abuse and wrongful termination after her breasts grew too large for her costume:

Her suit, which names Tharp among the defendants, lists a whole catalog of charges including wrongful termination, breach of contract, defamation, sexual harassment and intentional infliction of emotional distress.

It was filed on Monday in Miami-Dade Circuit Court. Alyse's lawyer, Larry Klayman, said the "main perpetrator" of the alleged abuse heaped on the young dancer was Eric Sprosty, a stage manager. Klayman said Sprosty flew into a rage after learning of Alyse's changing breast size.

"She was in fear of bodily injury," Klayman said.

ah, but then we get to the real motivation behind all of this:

He said the more than $100 million suit was "based on actual and compensatory damages" in the case, but he also said "Movin' Out" was "a very lucrative show" and a "cash cow for Broadway."

which of course she's entitled to, because she was one of the dancers on the touring company of the show.

lawyers rule.

movie of the day: Walk the Line (2005)

let's get one thing out of the way, before we start this review.

i love Johnny Cash.

Johnny Cash, to me, was an American icon whose songs transcended labels. most people think of him as a "country singer" but to call Cash a country singer is to downplay how influential he was on country, folk and rock 'n' roll.

now that we've dealt with the accolades, let's talk about Jame's Mangold homage to Cash--Walk the Line. if i wanted to sum it up in one sentence, this would suffice:

it's Ray with white people.

now i don't mean to discount Cash's life story, but the when it comes down to it, the "rock star" story has become an American cliche. we see the star make it, we see the star get addicted to drugs (Ray Charles liked heroin, Cash loved speed), we see the star clean up. we see the star fight with record label execs and show that their artistic intention is much more successful than what those stupid execs would have wanted to happen. we see how their personal tragedy helps mold them as individuals (here's another place where the two movies are eerily similar--both had dead brothers that they blamed themselves for.) and when the similarities are that great, you have to ask "what is the point?"

sure there are things about Walk the Line that we don't see in Ray--namely the relationship between Cash and June Carter, the love of his life. but in the process we also see how Cash neglects his first wife and children in the process--something that i didn't know how quite to take other than to question why June Carter would hook up with Johnny after seeing him do that to someone else.

in the end, the movie is good, it has great performances (especially from Reese Witherspoon, who seems to excel in every role she plays) and is probably worth your time. but i don't know how many more of these rock 'n' roll legend biopics i can take. Four Stars (out of Five)

hello moto!

you all may remember the story i posted about Miss Deaf Texas, who was killed while walking next to some train tracks. i positted at the time that it may have not been the best of ideas for a deaf girl to walk by train tracks.

well it turns out that she was not only walking by train tracks, but she was text messaging at the time as well:

McAvoy was walking northbound along the railroad ties, with her back to the train as it approached, said Austin Police Department detective David Fugitt. "We have information that she was text-messaging family and friends" at the time, he added.

A horn sounded, but "they weren't able to get a response" from her, Fugitt said.

"At that point, they activated their emergency braking system, but they weren't able to stop in time."

A snowplow -- commonly referred to as "cattle-guards" for pushing items away from the tracks to avoid train damage -- was what struck McAvoy, who was estimated to be "no more than a foot" from the tracks, Fugitt said.

"The snowplow extends approximately 16 inches on each side from the train," he said, and was mounted to the front engine of the train.

McAvoy died at the scene from "multiple traumatic injuries," Fugitt said.

movie of the day--V for Vendetta (2006)

one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter.

that's something i fundamentally believe in. when 9/11 happened, you didn't see many people talking about what got us there. how the Reagan administration spent US tax dollars on training the group that eventually became Al Qaeda. how the first Bush administration pissed off that same group by putting US air bases on what they considered to be holy land. how they already had something against the United States because of the US policies toward Israel and the Middle East in general. and because no one talked about what got us to 9/11, no one blinked an eye when legislation like the U.S.A. P.A.T.R.I.O.T. Act was passed.

which brings us to V for Vendetta, the adaptation of the Alan Moore comic by the Wachowski Brothers. it embodies my belief that one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter, and that terrorism is not just the purview of the shadowy anti-establishment group, but of the government as well. throughout the film, a series of terrorist acts are perpetrated and exposed, and everyone has blood on their hands. through V's actions, one of the upper echelon of "the Party" (the fascist government in charge of Britain in this distopian future) begins to question the event that lead to "the Party" taking power. V has a personal stake in his actions as well, which makes you question his overall motives.

In Roger Ebert's review of V for Vendetta he complained that the movie was too complex--"a audacious confusion of ideas" but isn't that the point really? one man's terrorist is always another man's freedom fighter. those that allowed "the Party" to take power will find V's actions abhorrent. those who feel persecuted by the party will side with V, who explains that sometimes violence is a necessary means to an end. the problem is that both sides want you to believe the issues are black and white, that there is only a yes or no answer. only when it is too late does V realize that there are always shades of gray. but by the time he has made the realization, he is in too far, too deep.

I think that V's justification for his actions is that "the Party" through actions both direct and indirect created him, and the blood he spills is ultimately on his hands. i think that is the lesson we haven't learned from 9/11, and now with excursions into Iraq and posturing with Iran and Korea, we are creating tomorrow's terrorists/freedom fighters, and the blood will be on our hands as well. Five Stars (out of Five)

it's like Christmas around here...

okay, the NCAA basketball national championship tournament starts tomorrow and i just completed my online brackets. if i win, i will have 2 big screen TVs and $50000 in cash. (don't count on it.)

anyway, it will be limited blogging until the weekend. so here's my picks for the Final Four:

• Connecticut
• Duke
• UCLA
• Boston College

I have UCLA and Connecticut in the national title game, with UConn taking it all.

all right i might be back with a record review later. we'll see.

this guy is one of the biggest assholes in America

this man's name is Matt Dubay. he's an asshole. how do i know this? because he has filed a lawsuit to get out having to pay his child support for his daughter because he didn't want to be a father.

you know, call me old fashioned, but maybe if you don't want to be a father you should think before you stick your dick in someone. maybe, you can make a trip to the drugstore and get some condoms so that pregnancy doesn't become a reality.

this story makes me sick. this dickhead doesn't want to have to support his daughter even though he was irresponsible and was partially the cause. the group backing him up on this lawsuit call their suit "Roe v. Wade for men." i call it "parade of the assholes who don't live up to their responsibilities."

and bag the claim that his ex told him she couldn't get pregnant. that excuse is as lame as "the dog ate my homework." he didn't have to fuck her without birth control. nobody held a gun to his head. prick.

celebrity morgue report

Man! two celebrity morgue reports in two days! famous people are getting down to some serious dying!

• Maureen Stapleton, of chronic pulmonary disease. She was an Oscar winning actress who starred in Reds and the Cocoon films, among others.
• Peter Tomarkin, in a plane crash. He was the host of the 80s game show Press Your Luck (no jokes about how he got a whammy, etc.)
• Chef, from South Park. Isaac Hayes is apparently pissed that Matt and Trey made fun of Scientology on South Park (Hayes is a sucker Scientologist), so he decided to quit the show, although as the South Park creators point out: "In ten years and over 150 episodes of 'South Park,' Isaac never had a problem with the show making fun of Christians, Muslim, Mormons or Jews."

i'm sure i am going to hell for this post

cnn.com has a story up about how the reigning "Miss Deaf Texas" was struck by a train yesterday and killed:

Tara Rose McAvoy, 18, was walking Monday near railroad tracks when she was struck by a Union Pacific train, authorities said.

A witness told Austin television station KTBC the train sounded its horn right up until the accident occurred.

the article then goes on to say that McAvoy had been deaf since birth.

silly question--if you can't hear, isn't it a bad idea to walk on railroad tracks?

record of the day: Casiotone for the Painfully Alone--Etiquette (2006)

i really wish i could love this record.

but, alas, i can’t. the problem, as i see it, with Owen Ashworth’s Casiotone for the Painfully Alone is that he’s not quite sure what he wants his “band” to be. when listening to Etiquette, all of the elements are there—the pop hooks, the engaging lyrics, but his tone changes from track to track.

One minute Ashworth thinks he’s Stephin Merritt, the next Tom Waits, doing neither all that well. and that’s when he bothers to lay down the vocal track. a quarter of the record features guest vocalists (Dear Nora’s Katy Davidson sings lead on the brilliant “Holly Hobby” among the numerous guest appearances) and that’s only if you don’t count the throw-away track at the beginning of the record that reminds you what record you are listening to, as if you didn’t just put it in the CD player.

in the end, what should be a solid 30 minute pop record becomes a bit of a chore. the middle is solid, but the beginning and end are unfocused and at times downright schizophrenic—and not in a good Syd Barrett kind of way. Grade: B-

can't figure out the goddamned bracket...

we're big college basketball fans around here at the Cream of Broccoli Radio Hour and this week is like Christmas for us. but we've just spent the last half an hour trying to figure out the bracket and are having no luck, even though the wife will tell you we watched too much college basketball this season. all i know is this:

• Air Force doesn't belong. Expect them to get run out of the building by Illinois.
• It looks like there might not be a 12 over a 5 stunner this year, but if i had to put money on it, take Texas A&M over Syracuse. i don't think the Orange are going to have anything in the tank after this past week, and giving them a 5 seed is generous at best.
• the selection committee is smoking crack if they think including Air Force and Utah State made more sense than having Cincinnati or Michigan in the tournament (and i HATE Michigan.) Even Hofstra--at least they managed to beat someone this year.
• Expect me to crumple up my bracket and throw it away after the first half day of games...i guarantee the games will fall in a way that will fuck it up for me.
  

celebrity morgue report

more dead famous people to report from the last week:

• Gordon Parks, 93, from cancer. He directed the immortal blaxksploitation film, Shaft.
• Bernie "Boom Boom" Geoffrion, 75, from stomach cancer. Considered one of the first players in the NHL to use the slap shot, which is ubiquitous today. The Canadiens also retired his jersey the day he died.

and a special goodbye to war criminal and overall asshole Slobodan Milošević, who died over the weekend of a heart attack, although now it looks like he may have died because of some drugs he wasn't supposed to be taking. whatever, the world is a better place without genocidal maniacs like him, and hopefully he has a special place reserved in hell for him.

NEWFLASH: Irrelevant Punk Band Spurns Irrelevant "Museum"

what a snub! the Sex Pistols refuse to go to the Rock 'N' Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremonies!

seriously, why does anyone care? the Sex Pistols haven't been relevant in almost thirty years, and the "Rock Hall" is a joke. i am probably the biggest "rock music" fan i know, and the Rock Hall is in the town i live in, and i refuse to go. you'll learn more about rock music by tuning into my radio show than by getting sucked in to that tourist trap.

let's all see the Rock Hall for what it is--a shitty tourist trap for business travellers that get stuck going to Cleveland for whatever reason. no one in their right mind would actually plan a trip to Cleveland to go there, and if they are, they're an idiot.

i love Cleveland, but we're no vacation destination (unless you're from somewhere worse, like Toledo or Dayton.)

live show of the day--Lewis Black at the Palace Theater, Cleveland, OH 3/12/06

"the president has handlers? what is he--a bear?"

just one of the many nuggets of wisdom imparted by comedian Lewis Black to the packed house at the Palace Theater in Cleveland's Theater District (yes, we have one.)

let's get one thing about stand up acts that have made it big--there are always going to be a group of people who feel the need to scream a comedian's old bit back at them, like they are calling for the obligatory playing of "Freebird" at a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert. these people are beyond annoying. fortunately Lewis scored immediate points by telling one of these assholes who had screamed "wash your balls" (referring to an old bit) he responded by telling him "if you can smell them, it's you, not me." alas, the annoying cat calls from the gallery persisted.

here's the problem with a guy like Lewis Black. he pays the bills by making fun of the absurdity of politics. unfortunately, when you do that, you walk a fine line between comedy and ranting. i am sure at one point in his career Black had an act that was 100% funny...but last night he was 50-50 comedy to rant, and while most of the audience was big on drinking the kool-aid he was brewing, i came to laugh, and those seemed to be few and far between. that is not to say that Black's rants didn't skew toward hilarity, but as Black himself admitted "he can't make this stuff up."

i think if you asked Black, he probably wishes his audience didn't so fervently accept what he says when he comes out of his mouth--but people are lazy, and when they find that they have mentally connected with something someone says they don't need to think about anything they say ever again. and i think part of what killed the performance for me was the annoying audience. when i go to a comedy show, i want to hear new bits, not the stuff that i can watch on the Comedy Central Presents special that has been re-run 100 times.

and one final word about Lewis Black's opener, John Bowman. very funny, very irreverent (he made a joke about Natalee Holloway and "the poor douchebag that fell off the boat during his honeymoon" as well as telling the audience he was selling a calendar at the merch table that was called "the Adventures of Mohommad) but part of his act and his biggest laughs came from doing a Lewis Black impression. it's kind of a cheap laugh if you think about it, and is as cheap as the adulation a crowd gives when a comedian talks about a recent marriage or birth. his material was strong enough to stand on its own without having to pull out the cheap parlor tricks.

essential record of the day: Serge Gainsbourg--Histoire de Melody Nelson (1971)

if the MPAA rated You and Me and Everyone We Know “R” for “disturbing sexual imagery involving children” i wonder what they would have done with Serge Gainsbourg’s Histoire de Melody Nelson. most famous in this country for telling Whitney Houston that he wanted to fuck her on French TV, Serge Gainsbourg was a dirty old man French version of Burt Bacharach. but unlike Bacharach, who has paid the bills with his unoffensive bubblegum song arrangements, Gainsbourg was constantly manipulating his sound as he absorbed new styles and influences, and no topic was off limits.

let’s face it, dirty old men falling in love (and doing other unsavory things) with “innocent” nubile girls is not a new concept in art. Nabokov’s Lolita scandalously covered the topic and was adapted into a movie by Stanley Kubrick. two recent films, Jim Jarmusch’s Broken Flowers and the aforementioned You and Me and Everyone We Know address the taboo as part of the plot. but Gainsbourg is so overt about his theme that the listener is sure to be taken aback by its directness, even if they don’t speak French. you can hear Gainsbourg’s voice dripping with sleaze while Jane Birkin (playing the role of the nymph Melody Nelson) sweetly sings along. you almost get the feeling that he is about to pounce like a vampire our for blood, especially with the funk influenced music playing in the background, a prototypical version of today’s cliched notion of incidental music for pornographic movies to be sure. this is not to say that Histoire is not one of the great musical expressions set to tape. it is. it just takes a while to get over the subject matter.

my friend Ryan once told me that he was floored by the fact that Bach’s love of Christ could inspire him to compose the Mass in B Minor. (i feel the same way about Coltrane’s A Love Supreme.) Serge Gainsbourg is proof that the Devil was also a muse for artists, and for every Mona Lisa, there’s going to be a stack of French porn. Grade: A+

the veal fattening pen

cnn.com/fortune magazine has an article about how the inventor of the work cubicle thought his work was an abomination:

Robert Oppenheimer agonized over building the A-bomb. Alfred Nobel got queasy about creating dynamite. Robert Propst invented nothing so destructive. Yet before he died in 2000, he lamented his unwitting contribution to what he called "monolithic insanity."

as a cubicle dweller myself, i can’t help but think of the description of the cubicle as a “veal fattening pen” from Douglas Coupland’s Generation X.

moo.

movie of the day: Me and You and Everyone We Know (2005)

the DVD for You and Me and Everyone We Know starts with the films rating, in bright blue, with the reasoning for its “R” rating:

For disturbing sexual imagery involving children

of course, this elicited a reaction from my wife:

“what the fuck sort of movie are we watching, anyway?”

of course, with the draconian way the MPAA rates films, it makes sense that they would describe the situation this way. heaven forbid that a child say something that is misconstrued in a sexual way by someone who doesn't even know that the speaker is a child. or that a teenager get a blow job from another teenager (because we know that never happens, right?) i'm surprised the MPAA just let this movie get away with an "R" rating.

but i'm getting off track.

at one point about half way through the movie, my wife said, "this is just like that movie where the kid says he's going to rape that girl after school." the movie she was referring to was Todd Solondz's Welcome to the Dollhouse.

i couldn't have made a more astute observation.

there were times when watching Miranda July's debut feature film that i thought of Solondz. her world is a world populated by nothing but outsiders, people trying to find a way to connect to the rest of the world and always seeming to fall short. and in those rare instances when a connection is made, it is excrutiatingly painful to watch.

like Solondz, July is willing to flirt with taboos to get her point across. take the six year old mentioned above in reference to the rating. at one point in the movie, he and his brother are playing around in chat rooms. they are passing the time being sent between one parent and another, neither of whom have any time for their kids. the older brother knows about the seedy underbelly of such a chat line and explains to his brother that the person messaging them is probably a man, and that they should make up some perversion to yank the chatter's chain. the six year old, having no concept of sexuality, suggests "pooping back and forth, forever" which i won't describe here. the chatter, however, is not a fake and find scatology arousing, which leads to a strange, but sweet encounter between the two later in the film where nothing sexual takes place.

now i realize that some people may be put off by what i just wrote, but let's face it, July's world is our own. when you look at July's characters, it's a bit like looking in a mirror--we are all outsiders and we are all looking to connect, and such connections can be painful before they can be good, and will always be painful to an extent. even the six year old's concept of pooping back and forth, forever is a connection of sorts--one can only assume that the person receiving the message on the other end is ultimately turned on by the fact that it will be a perpetual connection, no matter the horrific circumstances under which it occurs.

the world is not going to change the horrors that occur in it to jibe with our sensibilities. that's why horrors and pain happen. but there are good things too. when we make a connection that's worthwhile, we should cherish it. we should keep in mind that it's that way for you, and me, and everyone we know. Four Stars (out of Five)

why does Mary Worth exist?

i was brewing a pot of coffee in the company kitchen today and saw that Mary Worth was still taking up (valuable?) real estate on the comics page of the Plain Dealer.

why does this comic even exist? you get two panels of completely banal conversation between cookie cutter characters. you would think that there would be some sort of cliff hanger from one day until the next, but no, it's totally dull. it's worse than reading a Henry James novel.

[if you want to see the comic in question with some hilarious commentary, check out this post from the Comics Curmudgeon. fucking brilliant!]

taking down the Oscar predictions

okay, the 2006 Oscars have been given out, Hollywood has sucked it's own dick, and the Crash v. Brokeback Mountain debate has become totally ridiculous. so here's the links to all of my picks with asterisks next to the ones i got right:

• Best Picture
• Best Director*
• Best Actor
• Best Actress
• Best Supporting Actor
• Best Supporting Actress
• Best Original Screenplay*
• Best Adapted Screenplay*
• Cinematography
• Film Editing*
• Best Animated Feature*
• Best Documentary Feature*
• Best Music (Song)*
• Best Music (Score)*
• Art Direction
• Costume Design
• Makeup
• Sound Mixing and Sound Editing*
• Visual Effects*

we may do this again next year. i don't know.

celebrity morgue report

we haven't had one of these in a while (because Don Knotts and Darren McGavin got their own posts) but there were some big celebrity deaths in the past few days:

• Kirby Puckett, former center fielder of the Minnesota Twins. Kirby was one of my favorite players growing up, along with former San Francisco Giant, Will Clark.
• Dana Reeve, widow of Christopher Reeve, of lung cancer. She was a big supporter of stem-cell research and she caught a horrible break, developing lung cancer, even though she had never smoked in her life.
• Ali Farke Toure, called the "African John Lee Hooker." He was famous for playing a traditional Malian instrument called a gurkel.

more later. there's always more later.

record of the day: Test Icicles--For Screening Purposes Only (2006)

can anyone really get a bead on the Test Icicles?

while doing a little research trying to write this review, i managed to learn that all within the span of two years, the Test Icicles came together, impressed people at shows, generated buzz, got caught in a bidding war for their services, signed with an indie, released one record, broke up and now have scheduled shows in the UK for April.

you don't know if they are coming or going.

but it's this sort of crazy feeling that underlies the entirety of For Screening Purposes Only, the Test Icicles debut (and final?) record.

From the opening track "Your Biggest Mistake" i thought i might be listening to a new Slint record, only to have further listening send you in another direction. "Catch It!" has a chaotic metal opening into an almost chant-like chorus with a driving drum machine beat. "Circle Square Triangle" sounds like a strange amalgamation of glam rock and dance music. and yet, somehow the record manages to stay focused and blends together quite well. in fact, it comes together so well that aside from one small miscue (a lame hidden track--one of the annoying parlor tricks of bands now that everything is on CD) it may as well be for the best that the Test Icicles have called it quits, because it's unlikely they'll be able to duplicate the energy and fervor that this record so obviously possesses. Grade: A- (deducted from an A for the lame hidden track--either you want it on the record or you don't. i don't need surprises.)

spare me your soapbox, Motion Picture Academy

while i thought Jon Stewart was quite hilarious last night, what was not hilarious, or even funny was the insulting way that different performers throughout the night felt they needed to explain to us that seeing a movie in a theater is the only way to really watch a movie.

fuck you, Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences.

maybe when you can convince theater owners to not charge half the price of a DVD while allowing any rude asshole into the theater with their cell phones and their loud, obnoxious conversations and all of the dawdling teens, then maybe i'll think about going to the movies. in the meantime, i'll watch from the comfort of my home, where rude people aren't allowed entry, where i don't get overcharged for the food, and where i can pause the movie when i have to take a piss.

movie of the day: Nine Lives (2005)

the problem with watching a movie composed of vignettes, like Rodrigo Garcia's Nine Lives, is that often times, it is a series of short films linked only by a title or by the characters that are a part of the film. they believe that if they have the charcters from the vignettes interact, they will somehow unify the film, however, often times they just make a mess.

characters jumping to and from vignettes is a technique that Garcia emplys here, but it is not in place of some underlying thematic unity, but instead enhances it. take for example the vignette of Samantha, whose father suffers from a debilitating disease and whose mother, Ruth, has become exhausted by a life of taking care of Samantha's ailing father. Samantha's story is that she is the only thing her parents have left in common--they even talk through her, as one is always asking her what the other has said. later, Garcia gives Ruth her own story, but it never seems like Garcia feels obligated to do this--merely that there is something about Ruth's story that is worth telling.

and so it goes with Nine Lives. i was leery of the film at first for the reasons mentioned above. Garcia can be abrupt with his "endings" and cuts off where he feels that the life of the woman he is showing has shown what is needed. (this can be quite disconcerting and is perhaps a deliberate action on Garcia's part.) but thematically, i think the stories of these nine women come together nicely. Garcia realizes that if the film is thematically unified, it really isn't necessary to resort to rhetorical tricks to make us think a group of short films should really be together. His puzzle doesn't need to have nicely fitting pieces, even though most people probably wish that it would.

then again, that's how films that challenge us show that they are successful. and Nine Lives is no different. Four Stars (out of Five)

Oscar Prediction: Best Picture

Finally! the last of my Oscar predictions for 2006. Best Picture. the nominees are:

• Brokeback Mountain
• Capote
• Crash
• Good Night, and Good Luck
• Munich

In my mind, this one comes down to two movies--Brokeback Mountain and Crash. Both are morals tales of sorts, with Brokeback Mountain focusing on homosexuality and Crash on racism. So I guess the question for the Academy voters is, which tale do you want to reward. I thought Crash was probably the best movie of the year--it affected me more than any other film i had seen. but Brokeback is a more beautiful film, more beautifully rendered. Plus, it is rare that the Best Director and Best Picture don't go hand in hand. So I am going to predict Brokeback Mountain for Best Picture of the year.

it's like Christmas around here

we are big fans of the NCAA basketball tournament in cream of broccoli land, so i would be remiss if i didn't congratulate the University of Pennsylvania Quakers for getting the Ivy League automatic bid to the field of 65.

12 days until opening tip...

essential record of the day: The Byrds--Sweetheart of the Rodeo (1968)

imagine you're a rock act in 1968 and that your most successful record is three years past. one of your most prolific writers has quit because of a fear of flying, and you've had to fire one of your other members for being an asshole. to add insult to injury, your drummer just quit and it's been downhill since that first record. so how do you turn it around?

you don't record a country record, that's for sure.

and yet, in 1968, that's precisely what the Byrds did. to replace David Crosby (the previously mentioned asshole) Roger McGuinn and Chris Hillman hired a mostly unknown Gram Parsons to take Crosby's place. After convincing Hillman that recording a country album was a good idea, they got McGuinn to sign off on it and came up with Sweetheart of the Rodeo.

and it was a flop.

the funny thing about records that flop is that they are often the best records out there. Sweetheart of the Rodeo is one of the best records ever made, period. i would list off the standout tracks, but every track is stand out. Parsons, who spearheaded most of the song selections for the record chose nine great country standards, and then added two of his own for good measure. McGuinn and Hillman added their own signature, to make the record sound like every other Byrds record, just with a country-western feel.

at the time, pop music buyers probably thought that the Byrds had gone off the deep end. in an age of protest songs and psychedelia, a country music record was something that Johnny Cash did, not the Byrds. but can you imagine the balls it must have taken to record this record? almost forty years later, the Byrds have been validated for their gutsy move. Sweetheart of the Rodeo is critically acclaimed and considered a work of genius.

unfortunately, this record pretty much marked the end of the band. Parsons was fired because he wouldn't perform in South Africa due to their policy of apartheid. Hillman went with Parsons to form the Flying Burrito Brothers, and McGuinn was left to his own devices, and he basically ran the band into the ground. but they were able to get Sweetheart of the Rodeo out before it all fell apart and this record is probably the best one they ever made. Grade: A+

Oscar Prediction: Best Director

two days until the Oscars and two more predictions to make.


nominees for Best Director:

• Ang Lee-Brokeback Mountain
• Bennett Miller-Capote
• Paul Haggis-Crash
• George Clooney-Good Night, and Good Luck
• Stephen Spielberg-Munich

my prediction: Ang Lee for Brokeback Mountain. the Best Director usually goes hand in hand with the Best Picture award, but this year, that might not be the case. I think this year the Best Director award might fall victim to the Sean Penn syndrome--that is, a director/actor makes a work that is good enough for Oscar consideration but is actually rewarded for a body of achievement. since Bennett Miller and Paul Haggis don't really have much of a body of work to judge against, and Spielberg already has his Oscar, which leaves two--George Clooney and Ang Lee. if Clooney wins he is going to be rewarded for an overall body of work, as an actor, a producer and most recently a director. this is the Best Director Oscar though, and of all the nominees, Ang Lee has the biggest and most distinguished body of work. plus, Brokeback Mountain is typical of an Ang Lee film--beautifully filmed and engaging. i think this one is a no brainer.

next: Best Picture

worse than Federal "pound-me-in-the-ass" prison

i don't know about the rest of you, but i'm going to guess that Gary Glitter isn't going to enjoy spending the next three years in a Vietnamese prison. i'd be willing to bet that the Vietnamese have different ideas about incarceration than their western counterparts.

just ask John McCain...

people are fucking rude

you know, driving behind someone who is constantly on their cell phone is bad enough, but when did people start wandering aimlessly, chatting away in a crowded grocery story? my buddy Adam and i got stuck behind two different women, not paying attention to anything but their cell phones, blocking up whole aisles with their cart.

can't the conversation wait until you get home? jeez.

Oscar Prediction: Best Actor

wow. i might actually get these done by Sunday.

the nominees for Best Actor are:

• Philip Seymour Hoffman-Capote
• Terrence Howard-Hustle and Flow
• Heath Ledger-Brokeback Mountain
• Joaquin Phoenix-Walk the Line
• David Strathairn-Good Night, and Good Luck

once again, conventional wisdom says to go with Philip Seymour Hoffman. not only did he do an effective Truman Capote, but he also has a massive body of work that has yet to be recognized by the Academy. also, he has the good fortune of having played a person who actually existed, so the quality of his performance can be judge against "reality." but that may also be the downfall of his nomination, as two of his peers also were nominated for playing people who actually existed. Given that the Academy recently awarded Jamie Foxx for playing Ray Charles, the actor playing a real person vote may be split, and none of those actors may win. that's why i am picking Terrence Howard. as i said in my review of Hustle and Flow, Howard was the glue that kept the movie together. also, let's not forget that he put in a powerful performance in Crash, which is up for Best Picture. and sometimes the Academy likes to give one award for two great performances in one year. remember Jamie Foxx?

next: Best Director

hide and go seek

if you saw Belle and Sebastian on Conan O' Brien last night, you saw them play "Funny Little Forg" off their new record, The Life Pursuit. But can anyone tell me why Chris Geddes was hiding behind Richard Colburn's drum kit during the first verse?

Oscar Prediction: Best Actress

four more of these to go.

the nominees:

• Judi Dench-Mrs. Henderson Presents
• Felicity Huffman-TransAmerica
• Keira Knightly-Pride and Prejudice
• Charlize Theron-North Country
• Reese Witherspoon-Walk the Line

Conventional wisdom says to go with Reese Witherspoon. She's Hollywood's golden girl right now and she's already won a Golden Globe for her performance as June Carter Cash. but something tells me we might see upsets in both the Best Actor and Best Actress categories. So my prediction is Felicity Huffman in TransAmerica. it takes a lot of courage for an actress to play a man, especially a transgendered man and i think that maybe the Academy will reward courage like that.

next: Best Actor

record of the day: East River Pipe--What Are You On? (2006)

sex, drugs and rock n roll.

apparently, sex and drugs walk hand in hand with rock n roll. we already discussed the sex (wrong as it may be), now let's get to the drugs.

anyone who has heard an East River Pipe record knows they aren't exactly the cheeriest records in the world. F.M. Cornog, the man behind East River Pipe, has had a pretty rough life and was at one point homeless. but then he started making DIY tapes and got his name out there. eventually he was signed to Sarah Records and his name got more out there to all of the twee kids who were in love with Sarah. then when Sarah folded he moved to Merge and got even more exposure.

the funny thing about East River Pipe records is that even though they tend to be gloomy and somewhat nihilistic, they always sound upbeat. the newest East River Pipe record, What Are You On? is no different. Cornog shows a mastery of the sub three minute pop song with this record, having only three of the thirteen tracks clock in at over three minutes. the final track "Some Dreams Really Can Kill You" clocks in at an epic (for ERP) five minutes plus, and also may be the best track on the record.

Lyrically, the songs on What Are You On? resemble those of an almost preachy moral tale. after thirteen tracks about how people on drugs suck, you get the message. there are standout tracks of course ("Crystal Queen," "Druglife," and the aforementioned "Dreams") and the record as a whole is good, but railing on and on about drugs and their horrors gets a little old after a while.

we've all seen the ads. we know that drugs will fuck you up, and i think Cornog thinks that by making a record like this, he might stop that one fan from falling into it. but the world rarely works that way, and sometimes people need a crutch--but do they need someone preaching to them with a guitar, a voice and a home studio? i don't know. Grade: B+

Gary, you picked the wrong Southeast Asian Country!

so it looks like everyone's favorite sick fuck, Gary Glitter could face seven years in a Vietnamese jail for committing lewd acts with two girls, ages 10 and 11. the decision is expected Friday.

Glitter maintains his innocence, but he has a rep for this kind of thing. plus, actions sometimes speak louder than words:

The girls' families wrote to the court in December, asking that charges be dropped altogether after Glitter paid US$2,000 to each of them.

Although prosecutors decided to move forward with the case anyway, under the Vietnamese legal system, the payments are considered "compensation" that counts toward lessening any sentence.

why the payout if he didn't do something wrong? and the Vietnamese government better watch out if they let the US$2000 work as compensation--they'll be innundated with child molestors from all over the world who figure they only have to pay $2000 for a shot a young underage girl.

besides, i think Gary got his Southeast Asian countries wrong after he left the UK because of his previous jail time. Didn't Neil Bush let the world know where to get the best underage Southeast Asian sex?