mother of the year!

one nice thing about celebrity...when you fuck up, it's hard to avoid being exposed for it.

take yesterday's news, Britney Spears. first she gets shit for driving around without having her kid in a car seat (a big no no) and then her nanny goes and drops the kid on his head!

maybe sculptor Daniel Edwards should have picked a better model for his pro-life statue...that kid will be dead within six months at this rate.

(and if anyone would like to see the side of that statue that didn't make the rounds, you know, the one with the head crowning, utter a small prayer and click here. not for the faint of heart or stomach.)

little miracles (or not)

so have you heard the one about the sleazy couple who pretended to have sextuplets so they could get people to give them handouts?

GRAIN VALLEY, Mo. - The library books on multiple births crowded the couple's coffee table. The bedroom-turned-nursery awaited the arrival of six newborns.

But in the end, authorities say Sarah and Kris Everson never had the sextuplets as claimed. All they had was what appears to be a big lie.

The couple's dramatic story had holes in it from the start — from their mysterious withholding of information for more than a month to the unanimous response of area hospitals that they hadn't helped deliver the newborns.

On Tuesday, authorities said the mystery had been solved — the entire tale was deemed a hoax aimed at tapping the generosity of others to pay the couple's mounting bills.

of course, these con artists are totally misunderstood:

Reached by phone late Tuesday, Sarah Everson offered no explanation. "I'm not talking to anybody right now," she said, "because nobody gets it."

hmmm....made up a bullshit lie to prey upon people's generosity...

...nope. sounds pretty straightforward to me.

the funny things people say when they are on drugs

my wife was prescribed percoset after her surgery last week. after we got home and she had taken her medication and was still a little woozy from the surgery, she asked me:

"do you think Mickey Mouse is a pussy because he doesn't wear a shirt and has buttons on his pants?"

how do you answer that question?

where ya been?

okay, so it's been a while. my wife was having surgery last week and with the Cleveland Indians getting off to a 6-1 start, there's been little time for blogging.

i love to write, but i'd rather hang out with my wife and son, if you don't mind.

see you later asshole!

so the news has come down that self-serving, corrupt, politician and overall prick Tom Delay is resigning from his house seat and not seeking re-election:

DeLay said he is stepping down because he wanted the race in his Houston-area district to focus on the issues people care about -- "not a campaign focused solely as a referendum on me."

don't let Tom fool you though--he's less interested in the campaign and more on making sure he isn't someone's bitch in the federal pokey for the next twenty to twenty-five years.

couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

movie of the day: Good Night, and Good Luck (2005)

when i was an English student at Bowling Green State University, i was never much for allegory. to me, allegory was too direct in its methods, leaving little to the imagination and revealing itself as the pontification it so often comes across as.

if there were such a thing as a neutral point of view, i would probably have a disdain for Good Night, and Good Luck, as it is an obvious allegory of contemporary media coverage, cast in the historical context of the McCarthy hearings during the mid-50s.

but i don't have a neutral point of view.

the fact of the matter is that with the Bush administration's attempts to cast everything in terms of black and white (if you're not with us, you're with the terrorists, etc.) Good Night, and Good Luck is an important allegory to consider. the McCarthy hearings destroyed people both figuratively and literally (the film covers the suicide of a Murrow associate, Don Hollenbeck, who killed himself after being crucified by a columnist for the Hearst syndicate of newspapers) and the obvious message here is that those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it.

the parallels between the McCarthy hearings and the rhetoric of the Bush administration are frighteningly congruous. McCarthy, like his modern day counterparts, would always attempt to bring the argument back on itself, often engaging in ad hominem attacks on his critics because it was obvious that his arguments didn't hold water. McCarthy made a mistake in attacking Murrow, who was respected by the American public for his coverage of World War II.

the one element that we find that Good Night, and Good Luck has not parallelled is Murrow himself. Murrow's politics did not make him confront McCarthy's witch hunts, but instead he was compelled by a need to do what he felt was right. as he explains to Sig Mickelson early in the film, there is no such thing as a neutral view point, that all news is editorializing to some degree. the problem is that today we lack a newsperson of Murrow's character. no one will step up and question this administration and do what is right.

the most amazing element of the film is that director George Clooney made a conscious decision to only use Joe McCarthy's actual televised appearances and hearings instead of casting an actor to play McCarthy. this is, of course, the most effective method of showing the fervor and lunacy of McCarthy's witch hunt, and it seems that it may be just as easy to slip Bush, Cheney, McClellan, Rumsfeld, Rice and all of the other zealots in there without ruining a thing. and that's a frightening thought. Five Stars (out of Five)

Torquemada's textbook

it seems that the Office for Standards in Education in Britain is making Michael Palin's book Himalaya required reading for British high school students in their geography.

i can't think of a better choice really. Palin has been travelling the world for the last twenty plus years and making films and writing about it. he's definitely a subject matter expert (and funny as hell to boot.)

and this may be a boring post, but i just couldn't bring myself to talk about the Britney Spears giving "doggie-style" birth pro-life statue.

while we're talking about Mates of State...

...i'll be giving away two tickets to their Cleveland show on April 9th on this Sunday's Cream of Broccoli Radio Hour. i'll even tell you how we're going to do it--between 11 and noon, i'll be playing the song "Punchlines" of their new record Bring It Back. the first caller gets the tickets. don't worry--if you're a Mates of State fan, you'll know the song when you hear it.

essential record of the day: Mates of State--Bring It Back (2006)

i don't know how Mates of State keeps doing it.

when i heard their debut record, My Solo Project, for the first time back in 2001, i was amazed by their originality and energy. i immediately became addicted to the record and it remains one of my favorites.

the problem with a band that is basically a electric piano-drum combo is that there is always a possibility that the music will grow stale. i mean how many times can you flog a one-trick pony before you end up with a dead horse?

of course to say that Mates of State are a one-trick pony is to tragically underestimate them. Kori Gardner and Jason Hammel are accomplished musicians with a real penchant for coming up with catchy pop hooks. it is this consistency that allows Mates of State to transcend the apparent limitations of their choices of instrument.

that brings us to their latest record, Bring It Back. one would expect that after three full length LPs and an EP, Mates of State wouldn't have anything new to say. but once again they surprise us. not only do they deliver a successful record, but they may have delivered the best Mates of State record to date.

usually at this point i tell you what tracks stand out, but it is impossible with this record. all of the tracks stand out. the ideas and themes are so varied and yet are unified by Kori and Jason's steadfast allegiance to the keyboard and drums that they have become known for. It's when a band can accomplish this seemingly paradoxical state of variance and unity that the best records are often made.

and so it is with Mates of State. they have managed to keep going despite their self-imposed limitations and consistently produce great records. it just goes to show that the artist isn't limited by their tools, just by themselves. and Mates of State want the world.

right now, this is definitely THE record of 2006. Grade: A+

i think there is a special place in hell for this ABC exec

the good people at thesmokinggun.com have posted an internal memo from an ABC executive to local affiliates asking for them to be on the lookout for hard luck stories for Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. in the memo, the casting director has a laundry list of afflictions a family might be suffering from that will make for really good television, including cancer, ALS (Lou Gerhig's disease) and Progeria (premature aging in a child, which the casting director describes as "the little old man disease") among others. she also excitedly is looking for a child suffering from CIPA (which is an insensitivity to pain) realizing that the potential pool is limited.

if you want to be sickened by the exploitation of these families for network profits, definitely check out the link above.

celebrity morgue report

i missed a death in my celebrity morgue report, but then some more famous people had to up and die, so i've got another one for you all:

• Richard Fleischer, 89, Hollywood director and son of Max Fleischer, who directed the original Popeye and Superman shorts in the 40s for Paramount.
• Caspar Weinberger, 88, Secretary of Defense under Ronald Reagan. had a chance to stop Iran-Contra and didn't.
• Dan Curtis, 78, the guy who created Dark Shadows. i never understood what the big deal was, but then again i'm not a goth freak.

movie of the day: A History of Violence (2005)

while i know that David Cronenberg didn't come up with the title of his latest film, A History of Violence, you have to wonder about the title. what exactly is implied by "a history of violence?" are we supposed to recall the old saying that those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it, or is it something else?

that was the question i posed myself when watching A History of Violence. since i was sitting down to watch a Cronenberg film, i knew that there was deeper meaning in that phrase. and since it was a Cronenberg film, i was prepared for a total mind-fuck along the way.

the premise of A History of Violence is pretty simple. Tom Stall is a family man in a small town who owns his own diner. one night, two homicidal maniacs try to rob the diner and rape one of the waitresses. in self-defense, Tom kills them and becomes a national celebrity. soon, shady figures appear in town and mistake Tom for someone named Joey. Tom claims that he has no clue who they are talking about, but these sinister figures are adamant about Tom's identity and there are bloody consequences.

let's get one thing out of the way here--Cronenberg is a master of suspense, and A History of Violence is no different than his other films. even though logic tells you that if a man has his eye taken out by a barbed wire attack, he will never forget the face of his attacker, i couldn't figure out if Tom Stall was really the sociopathic killer Joey Cusack, or if he was a victim of horrible mistaken identity. that is all Cronenberg's doing--he holds it all back until there is a essential moment where there is no turning back. and in that regard, this film is successful, as it had me on the edge of my seat for almost the whole film.

in addition, Cronenberg makes us stand on shaky moral ground. at first glance, it seems that Tom is justified in killing the two men who try to rob his diner. but if he is also Joey Cusack, then his actions begin to fall in a gray area--yes he did the right thing...but would someone without a history of violence been able to do the same?

however, this is as deep as the movie goes. there is an interesting sub-plot involving Tom's son, Jack, who is constantly picked on by a bully at school. Jack's initial attempts to deal with the bully are non-violent, but eventually he reaches a breaking point and puts the bully in the hospital with a severe beating. Cronenberg uses this as a setup for a devastating line Jack delivers to Tom later in the movie, but it could have been so much more. i found myself wondering how Jack would have reacted to the bully if he had known his father's history of violence. but alas, that is never explored.

none of Tom's family has their motivations for dealing with Tom's history of violence explored. it's the one great weakness of the film. but if all you are looking for is a suspenseful film, this is the movie for you. Four Stars (out of Five)

while we're talking about Rose Melberg...

she has a new record (the first in FIVE years) coming out next month on the Double Agent Records label (the good folks that brought us My Favorite among others.)

for more information, i strongly recommend you go check out doubleagentrecords.com and listen to the Cream of Broccoli Radio Hour in the coming weeks--DA has been good about getting us promos of their records, and this is a biggie.

we're big fans of Rose and the Softies around here. now if her partner in crime Jen Sbragia and the girls of the All Girl Summer Fun Band could get a new record out, 2006 could really shape up to be a great year for records...

celebrity morgue report

in addition to Buck Owens, here are some other recent celebrity deaths:

• Stanislaw Lem, writer of Solaris, at age 84.
  
• Paul Dana, IRL racer, of injuries sustained in a car crash during a practice run. He was 30.
• Nikki Sudden, of the band Swell Maps at age 49. ironically, Jowe Head (bassist of Swell Maps and drummer of Television Personalities) compiled a Swell Maps collection that will be released in May.
  

Buck Owens (1929-2006)

There's a giant doing cartwheels, a statue wearin' high heels.
Look at all the happy creatures dancing on the lawn.
A dinosaur Victrola
listening to Buck Owens.
Doo, doo, doo, Lookin' out my back door.

--"Lookin' Out My Back Door" by Creedence Clearwater Revival

Country singer and former Hee Haw host, Buck Owens died this past weekend at age 76. while he was no Johnny Cash or Jimmie Rodgers or the Carter Family, Owens was a country great, and played country music the way it was intended to be played, not the soulless pop-country crap that is being peddled today.

i must admit that i am only slightly familiar with Owens' work. but as you can see from the CCR lyrics above, he was highly influential. of course, i've heard Ringo Starr on Help! singing Owens' "Act Naturally," but those in the indie rock community might be familiar with Rose Melberg's version of "Loose Talk" which she credited to being inspired by "the Buck Owens" version in the liner notes of her record Portola.

losing Owens is just closing of another chapter in the book on the rich history of country music. having become a fan of older country music in recent years, it's sad to lose someone who embodied what the true soul of country music is all about.

EXTERMINATE!

i would have mentioned this last Friday, but i was off watching basketball and didn't have time. For those of you who don't know, the Sci-Fi channel has replaced Battlestar Galactica on their schedule with the new Doctor Who series that was broadcast on the BBC last year. while the ratings weren't as good as what Battlestar was getting, they're good enough, given that Battlestar won't be back until October.

things i like about the new series--better special effects while still remaining true to the spirit of the original show. while the first episode of the new series "Rose," features a new take on the Autons from the third Doctor serials "A Spearhead From Space" and "Terror of the Autons" (and i'd say these are the best Autons yet), the second story, "The End of the World" is probably one of the stronger Doctor Who stories i've seen (it's re-airing tonight at 8pm.) Also, the new writers have made it easy to come into the show without knowing the backstory (although I am hoping the fifth or seventh Doctors make an appearance sometime soon.)

anyway, i would give the Doctor a chance if you have some free time tonight. we've been fans of Doctor Who since 1985 around these parts, so it's great to see the new episodes on American television. it's been too damned long.

murder in the cathedral

okay, i guess i'm a little more overtly political today than most, but i couldn't skip over the continuing saga of Winkler murder in Tennessee. for those who don't know, a preacher named Matthew Winkler was found dead in his home, shot in the back and his wife and children missing. they were then found in Alabama, and the wife is being charged with murder.

everyone interviewed for the story has had nothing but glowing things to say about the minister and his wife:

Selmer residents said they were shocked at the preacher's death.

"I can't believe this would happen," Pam Killingsworth, a church member and assistant principal at Selmer Elementary, told The Associated Press.

"The kids are just precious, and she was precious," Killingsworth said. "He was the one of the best ministers we've ever had -- just super charisma."

Wilburn Ash, an elder at the Fourth Street Church, said Winkler was hired there in February 2005, according to the AP. He preached straight-by-the-Bible sermons, the AP reported, delighting congregants.

Church members described Mary Winkler as a quiet, unassuming woman, the AP reported. She was a substitute teacher at the elementary school.

"They were a nice family," former Selmer Mayor Jimmy Whittington, who worked with the preacher collecting donations for hurricane victims last year, told the AP. "They just blended in."

since the preacher did "straight-by-the-Bible" sermons, i'm going to assume that he was a fairly literalist, conservative minister.

anyone want to put down bets on when the allegations of spousal abuse rear their ugly heads? usually when all people have to say is nice things, there's a seamy underbelly waiting to be exposed.

a real big coon

i was going to post about this yesterday, but i had been looking for an audio clip of St. Louis radio personality Dave Lenihan calling Condaleeza Rice "a real big coon" on his radio show Wednesday. unfortunately i couldn't find it, but i was amused what excuse black Conservative talk show host Larry Elder gave for Lenihan saying it:

Elder told The Associated Press that he suspects Lenihan morphed the words "coup" and "boon" to come up with "coon." He said prominent blacks have made disparaging remarks about Rice and gotten away with it, and feels Lenihan's firing was unfounded.

i'd say it's probably more likely that Lenihan has a deep seeded prejudice against African-Americans and the whole time his subconscious was probably saying "don't say coon, don't say coon" which is precisely what he said.

i think Linehan probably didn't mean to say that about Rice--after all, she's not an uppity black and has fallen in line. she may look African-American, but her ideology is 100% white conservative male.

essential record of the day: Neutral Milk Hotel--In the Aeroplane Over the Sea (1998)

my wife bought a copy of On Avery Island, the debut record from Neutral Milk Hotel because Cool Chick 59, who does a show at WCSB here in Cleveland told her it was a good record.

she hated it.

oh, had only Cool Chick 59 told my wife to buy In the Aeroplane Over the Sea, the second (and final?) record from the slightly damaged genius, Jeff Mangum and his band of merry men. from the initial moments of the opening track "The King of Carrot Flowers, pt. 1" to the reprise of "Two Headed Boy pt. 2" Neutral Milk Hotel takes us on such a colorful and varied trip that somehow manages to keep some unifying theme underneath it all.

Every track on In the Aeroplane Over the Sea is brilliant. Mangum provides listeners with challenging and frankly disturbing images lyrically while setting it all to a poppy, rainbow-like sountrack. the final product is marvellously rendered and would explain why everyone has been anxiously awaiting the next Neutral Milk Hotel record. like Waiting for Godot, however, it never seems to come.

and is that necessarily a bad thing? Mangum has produced a masterpiece here and it will be almost impossible for him to trump it. i understand that people thirst to hear or see more of an artist that has impressed them, but sometimes an artist captures a moment and produces something so unforgettable that it becomes revered...and reviled.

that's the problem--people who are into music think they are doing people like my wife a favor when they don't recommend an artist's best work. i remember at a meet and greet with Henry Rollins back in the 90s after he had done his spoken word act at BGSU, i asked him what Coltrane record a novice like myself should check out. He told me to listen to Crescent, because everybody had heard A Love Supreme. but that was the problem--I hadn't. and now, years later, i will tell anyone who asks me to start with Coltrane that they need to start with A Love Supreme, because nothing he did was better.

so too with Neutral Milk Hotel. i think that if i could get my wife to forget On Avery Island, she would like In the Aeroplane Over the Sea. Grade: A+

Billy Joel musical only employs members of the IBTC

a dancer is suing the owners and producers of the Broadway waste of time show Movin' Out, which features the songs of Billy Joel and the choreography of Twyla Tharp, for emotional abuse and wrongful termination after her breasts grew too large for her costume:

Her suit, which names Tharp among the defendants, lists a whole catalog of charges including wrongful termination, breach of contract, defamation, sexual harassment and intentional infliction of emotional distress.

It was filed on Monday in Miami-Dade Circuit Court. Alyse's lawyer, Larry Klayman, said the "main perpetrator" of the alleged abuse heaped on the young dancer was Eric Sprosty, a stage manager. Klayman said Sprosty flew into a rage after learning of Alyse's changing breast size.

"She was in fear of bodily injury," Klayman said.

ah, but then we get to the real motivation behind all of this:

He said the more than $100 million suit was "based on actual and compensatory damages" in the case, but he also said "Movin' Out" was "a very lucrative show" and a "cash cow for Broadway."

which of course she's entitled to, because she was one of the dancers on the touring company of the show.

lawyers rule.